In today’s market, there are more manual masturbators than a single man can fuck in a single lifetime. So, you either take your chances on some random shit through trial and error or you do your homework to find the best one. It’s not an easy road to walk, but that’s what I’m here for. Boy, would my mother be proud.
Either way, men all over the world pleasure themselves, and there are countless statistics to prove that. They say that more than 90 percent of dudes admit to playing pocket pool and that the other 10 percent are in denial. Which group do you belong to? I, for one, have no shame in my game. I like a well-made manual masturbator as much as the next guy (maybe more). Most likely since you’re reading this, you belong to the group of guys who isn’t ashamed of playing with myself. After all, it’s a perfectly natural habit and, quite frankly, it’s needed sometimes.
Aside from developing callouses on your hands from fervent self-fucking, there are plenty of pre-made options on today’s market. The trick is to find the right toy, but that can be harder than it seems – harder than you are when you’re in need of a little self-gratification. High-tech masturbation toys often come with a high price tag, but that’s to be expected from products that are keenly produced to offer the best sensations known to Man.
Among the top toys is the Fifi by Whizworx – a company that was founded by a couple of perverse guys who wanted to steal the throne from Fleshlight. Considered by many to be comparable (if not better) than the most popular competition, these bad boys are handy dandy – and we mean that in the most perverted way possible. Having tired the Fifi for myself, I’ve developed my own opinions on the overall quality and cost-effectiveness of the toy. Named after the DIY masturbators that gained popularity through their use by prison inmates and at-home cheapskates, this uber-popular penis pirate is gaining a lot of attention. I set out to find out why.
What Is the Fifi Sex Toy by Whizworx?
The manufacturing company of the Fifi, which was founded by two self-proclaimed “avid masturbators,” openly admits that they’re not trying to create high-tech fuck toys. They only want to enhance a man’s pleasure by giving him some shit that actually feels good. Their toys are super simple, and even that may be an understatement. As a product that’s one step away from being homemade, it’s likely to be very difficult for these guys to contend with brands like Fleshlight or Kiiroo. As much as I can appreciate their simplistic approach, I began this journey with skepticism and I ended it much the same.
How can anything that’s purposely made to be modest give me the sensations I desire? How is it possible, after all the shit I’ve crammed my dick into, that a meek and humble toy like the Fifi can accomplish anything worth talking about? I’ve felt it all, so these boys have some seriously big shoes to fill. To my chagrin, I was pleasantly surprised by what I discovered, although that’s only because I figured these bitches would be downright ridiculous and they weren’t.
FIFI SEX TOY INTRODUCTIONAL VIDEO
The Fifi resembles one of those DIY towel-and-glove masturbators that some men make to suffice when they can’t afford a real toy. The only differences that I could see straight away were that these toys costed quite a bit more, were made from material that couldn’t be found around the house or supermarket, and were somewhat more attractive than the latter. I’m still not sure those minor benefits are worth the price, but then again, the Fifi did feel pretty amazing.
Still, waxing your own wiener usually feels amazing regardless of what you use. While some products give better head than others, they all have their place in the scheme of things. The Fifi is no exception to that rule. And while this product is relatively low-tech and kind of ugly compared to some of the shit I’ve tried, it certainly gets the job done without causing a mess. Moreover, it’s rather discrete looking, especially when compared to the huge “industrial flashlight” design of the ever-popular Fleshlight brand, who’s design has become so well-known that secrecy has gone right out the window.
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The Main Features Of The Fifi Sex Toy
I’ve said already that the Fifi is super simple, but what do I mean by that exactly? Well, the Fifi is a toy that lays flat like a sexy bed sheet, with Velcro fasteners that are fully adjustable and secure. Imagine a towel made from latex that rolls up to fit the unique size of your junk, with an open end for less mess and a smooth lining for moderate pleasure. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? Well, it’s not too bad, but it’s not too good either.
To use the Fifi, you need to lay the toy flat with the Velcro fasteners facing up. Then, you roll it up to create a canal and fasten the Velcro so that it stays closed. And while the design is made to be customized to the girth of your junk, there are some limits involved. The Fifi measures 7 ¾ inches in length and about 3 ½ inches in diameter. So basically, large penis-having dudes won’t be able to close it up, and small penis-having dudes won’t be able to feel anything. Put simply, it’s strictly for average-sized guys, although the length of your dick doesn’t really matter much due to its open-ended design.
This toy, which is relatively easy to use, features a small piece of excess sleeve material that must be pulled down over the raised lip at the end. That’s what creates an opening that’s easy to slide into. Of course, you’ve got to use a lot of lube to get the shit to work, but what toy on the market can be used without it? The brand offers a couple types of water-based lubricant, with one that is heated for added pleasure. I liked that shit.
One of the main qualms I found with the Fifi is that the internal sleeve covering can only be used one time before it has to be thrown away. That can get really expensive, despite of the relative cheapness of the toy itself. However, some men like that feature because it makes the whole thing easier to maintain and hide. I, for one, thought that feature was a pain in the ass. Personally, I prefer to do a little clean up and stash the toy away for a rainy day, because even if the toy is discrete, having mountains of discarded sleeves is a dead giveaway.
What It Feels Like
The word “fifi” is a common slang term for a handmade towel masturbator used by locked up men in need of a release. With that said, it’s no wonder why this son of a bitch is named after it. While the Fifi feels almost as good as any toy-driven hand job, it’s never going to be as good as some of the other shit on today’s market. Considering the thing made from materials that can cause a rash in some guys, instead of shit that’s skin-safe and hypoallergenic, the potential fame of the Fifi is very restricted in my opinion.
The disposable sleeves are comprised of natural latex, which could cause an allergic reaction for some men. The shell is made from a blend of polyester and spandex, the lining is all polyester, and the padding is made from PE foam. To me, that makes this toy comparable to the bell-bottomed pants my grandparents wore in the 60s, and that shit wasn’t even sexy back then. And although the sleeve needs to be thrown away after every use and is thereby marketed as convenient, there’s still some cleanup required. You’ll have to wash the outside of the toy using cold water and mild soap, so now your work has doubled.
With a non-textured interior, the Fifi feels like a gloved hand job from a calloused hand, and isn’t that exactly what you’re trying to avoid? While this thing has its merits in some regards, the whole thing is pretty much a waste of time and money if you ask me (and you did). One of the only redeeming quality is the fact that the casing will eventually mold to the shape of your dick, but without tons of lube you’ll get a rug burn that looks a lot like herpes. No Bueno.
What Comes in the Box?
The box, which is very commercial looking and poorly decorated, contains everything you need for this lackadaisical lap treat. Anything extra will have to be bought separately, including the disposable sleeves which come in packages of 10, 20, or 50. You can buy a thing called a “hot pocket” which warms the sleeve, or spare lube and lube injectors as well. However, I did notice that the lube packets are kind of small and the lube injector is flimsy as hell. Be prepared to stock up numerous times throughout the life of your toy. Kaching!
In other words, prepare yourself for being nickel and dimed into exhaustion. You can, however, buy starter packs that include the toy, some lube, and a few disposable linings. Meanwhile, enjoy what you do get for the money, which includes the following:
- The Fifi
- Models come in different colors: red, blue, black, and camouflage.
- An instruction manual
- It’s very easy to read and understand, although it’s not so awesome for dudes who speak another language.
What you won’t get is any toy cleaner (for the outside), any lube samples, or any type of product warranty. Furthermore, since the Fifi is completely manual, you won’t have to fuss with chargers or cords, so there’s that. The company recently introduced a couple Fifis with textured linings and furry outer casings, but the texture is weak, and nobody gives a damn what the outside feels like. Good luck out there, guys.
Our Cheers and Jeers
Yes, it may seem like I have been doing a lot of bashing on this product, but that’s sort of my job – to give it to you straight. There are some good things about the Fifi, and a lot of men seem to prefer it over other toys like the Fleshlight because of its discrete design. However, I found it to be very juvenile in its functionality and design and thus, it didn’t impress me as much as it did those guys. Let’s go over the details for a moment:
- Get Going – You can take this bitch anywhere you go without a bunch of staring and questions like you’d have to endure if you used something more structured.
- Dirty Little Secret – Because of the relatively discrete design and malleable structure of the Fifi, it’s one of the most discrete toys on the market today (as long as nobody looks too closely at it).
- Clean as a Whistle – Since most of the toy ends up in the trash when you’re done, cleanup is a snap if you don’t include all the maintenance you’ll have to perform on the outer casing to keep it intact.
- Match Game – This toy eventually molds itself to match the unique shape of your dong.
- Ground Control to Major Tom – The tightness of the Fifi can be manipulated by the way you wrap and fasten it, or you could just give it a little squeeze with your hand for more pressure. Nothing too fancy, but effective either way.
- Think Outside the Box – Shipped in discrete packaging, the box in which the Fifi gets delivered still says “Whizworx, LLC” down the side, which may be a dead giveaway as the brand gains popularity.
- Par for the Course – Ordering this thing online is safe and secure since their site is encrypted, much like most of the other sex toy brand websites are.
- Bulk It Up – If you spend more than $50 on their shit (which is pretty much necessary to get all the stuff you need), they will send everything to you for free via FedEx.
- Keep It Simple, Stupid – The Fifi is not customizable in any way, aside from the eventual shaping of the casing over time. It’s definitely a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.
- Looks Matter – While the design concept was meant to be simple and discrete, the manufacturer could have made the bitch a little more attractive. The shit looks like a wannabe Fleshlight with lower quality materials.
- Ride and/or Die – The overall durability of the Fifi leaves much to be desired, and that’s putting things lightly. Be ready to repurchase it in about 3-6 months (depending on how much you masturbate).
- One and Done – Not only are the disposable liners good for only one use, but there’s only one type of texture available. So, if you’ve become accustomed to the cornucopia of options offered by brands like Fleshlight, be prepared for a disappointment.
- Itching for a Better Idea – Everyone knows that using shit like polyester and latex is a bad idea for something that gets wrapped around genitals, but that didn’t stop Whizworx from using it for this toy anyway.
- Doesn’t Play Well with Others – Unlike some of the better toys on the market, the Fifi is not compatible with anything else available, nor does it have any attachments to make it more interesting.
- Accessorizing Is Apparently for Losers – With the only accessory being a quaint sleeve warmer, you’re on your own if you want to branch out or get kinky.
- All Expenses Paid – This toy is marketed as being “simple” and “humble,” but that apparently doesn’t mean anything in terms of cost. You’ll be buying disposable sleeve replacements and lube for a very long time and that can get expensive.
- Mean, Green Cleaning Machine – The worst part is that the sleeves being disposable is supposed to cut back on cleaning and maintenance, but you’ll still have to wash the outside when you’re done so the point is moot.
TOP HIGH-TECH MASTURBATION OPTIONS FOR 2018:
- Fleshlight/Kiiroo Onyx 2
- Handsfree Electric Device
- Enhanced by a Video Chat platform and Virtual Reality Porn
- Fleshlight™ Superskin™ material (Feels great)
- Discreet and wireless design
- Fleshlight/Kiiroo Launch
- Compatible with standard size Fleshlight toys
- Automatic, handsfree, portable device
- Sleek, discreet design
- Mind melting, close to real, virtual reality sex simulation content
- Autoblow 2
- Hands Free Robotic Blowjob Toy
- Does not need batteries
- Uses interchangeable sleeves
- Robust construction
- Kiiroo Titan
- Designed to boost your stamina and maximize your endurance in the bedroom.(Explosive orgasms!)
- 9 vibrating motors
- Super-quiet, for when discretion is needed
- Connects to interactive content
- Lovense Max
- Hands Free Automatic Male Masturbator
- Discreet Appearance
- Vibrates and contracts
The Final Verdict
As you have probably noticed by now, the overly simple Fifi by Whizworx, LLC has numerous ups and downs in terms of design and functionality. The overall worth of this caveman-inspired manual masturbator is only as good as the man who’s using it – solely dependent on the type of experience he’s looking for. As for me, I honestly can’t tell the difference between using the Fifi and sticking to something even simpler: a standard tube sock and an XL condom. You can make that shit at home and it will only cost you a few bucks, plus it’s just as durable and discrete as this piece of shit without all the waste. What can I say? I’m an environmentalist.
Granted, the company who makes the Fifi offers a limited refund policy on their product lineup. If you’re not completely satisfied by the toy or the accessories within 30 days of your order, you can return any unopened items and get your money back (minus any shipping costs). It’s a good thing they do that too, because chances are you won’t like what you get, especially if you’ve been around the block a few times like me. Things are becoming increasingly more high-tech and complex in the sex toy industry, so it’s a really bad time for up and coming manufacturers to go backwards.
In my humble (yet refined) opinion, the pre-manufactured Fifi is only slightly better than the prison-inspired towel wrap or tube sock masturbator. It’s like the designers took the idea and just churched it up a bit, but that doesn’t necessarily make their product worth the money they ask for it. Furthermore, there are no extras found in the box and their accessory game is weak. But, since I’m forced to rate this son of a bitch on my coveted scale of 1 to 10, I will; and I’ll give it a 6.5, but that’s only because it made me cum (which is kind of hard to do at this point) and it’s much better to travel with and hide than most toys on the market today.
Despite the fact that John James is quite the character, there is one thing he has in common with everyone else: he likes a high quality sex toy just as much as the next guy.
Noticing that there were no legitimate websites out there reviewing all the amazing synthetic vaginas on the market, John James set out to do something about it.
After all, it is painfully obvious that today’s men really need to know more about their options.